


We Met in Therapy

by halfhuman2214



Series: Loner Universe [6]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Depression, Knitting, Other, Therapy, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:56:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3526649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfhuman2214/pseuds/halfhuman2214
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joy drives Michael to the community center the first time he goes there. She had been trying to get him to set up an appointment since he was 13. When he moved in with them Joys response to his constant asking how he could repay her was, "Go see Dr. Thorton Michael. I think he will help with your anxiety and panic attacks, as well as help you understand... events that happened." So that's how he finds himself in the passenger seat headed towards the community center that held activities of all variety and a therapists office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Met in Therapy

Joy drives Michael to the community center the first time he goes there. She had been trying to get him to set up an appointment since he was 13. When he moved in with them Joys response to his constant asking how he could repay her was, "Go see Dr. Thorton Michael. I think he will help with your anxiety and panic attacks, as well as help you understand... events that happened." So that's how he finds himself in the passenger seat headed towards the community center that held activities of all variety and therapists office. 

Instead of just dropping him off she walks him and waits in the waiting room with him. Dr. Thorton was a greying man who wore a pair of dark-framed glasses and dressed very casually for a doctor. His smile is soft when he introduces himself to Joy and Michael. He turns thoughtful as she explains how and why Michael lives with them, but his expression never turns mean or unwelcoming, even after Joy leaves the room.

Dr. Thorton asks questions. Michael answers the questions. Dr. Thorton thinks for a moment. Michael fidgets in his seat playing with his long sleeves. "Well, Michael." Dr Thorton says. "You're going to be okay. It isn't going to be easy. But from what I can tell, Joy cares about you a lot. Now let's talk options. It's not an exact science, but I can say you have depression, probably major depression, OCD, and separation anxiety. I do believe a lot of it stems from a deeply rooted abandonment issue. Now this is very treatable Michael, and I think a combination of talk therapy and medication will help us get on top of this."

"No medication." Michael says. "I've seen what it does to people. All I have left is who I am."

Dr. Thorton nods taking notes. "Okay. Then I want to see you twice a week Michael. Without the aid of medication, it's going to be a lot more difficult to stay ahead of this. You are going to have slow improvement. Don't get discouraged, you've already taken the first step which is the hardest. Don't be afraid to lean on people, me, Joy, your friends, they will help you through it. Now," He looks at the clock. "We are out of time for today. Stop at the front desk to make your future appointments." He stands up and walks Michael back out to Joy. "I'll see you in a few days Michael." He waves goodbye and welcomes in his next patient. A curly haired boy with glasses.

"How did it go?" Joy asks as they walk out to the car.  
"I've got OCD." Michael mumbles only telling part of his diagnosis in fear that they would want him to leave when they found out how messed up he was. "He wants to see me twice a week since I don't want to be medicated." Michael curls in on himself during the car ride, then locks himself away in his room as soon as they get home carving FREAK into his stomach.

His second appointment finds him being asked about his childhood before baby Jamie. Michael talks about his parents, about Joy and his best friend Calum. He talks about how Calum didn't care that he didn't talk to him and just smiled when he finally did. He talks about how the Hoods had him over more than his own parents had Calum over. How they worked with him and were more patient with his stutter then his own parents were. Dr. Thorton stopped him when he was talking about how his parents marital problems started because they had waited to have more kids to help him.

“That’s not your fault Michael. I know to you it seems like it, but they were working it out or else your father would have already been gone. Waiting had nothing to do with their inability either. Your mother was at the prime age for conceiving, It was just bad luck. Completely out of your control.”

“Then why did they leave me?!?” Michael lashes out. “Why was it that after Jamie died they drank and cried every night they came home until they never came home at all?”

“Because they couldn’t handle the grief Michael.” Dr. Thorton says calmly. “They lost a child, they felt like they let you down. Promised you a sibling, then couldn’t keep that promise.”

Michael sits silently then quietly says. “What about me? Why wasn’t I good enough for them to stay?” He fidgets with his fingers. “Was I too much of a problem?”

Dr. Thorton sighs. “I can’t tell you that Michael. Only they can answer that. But I am willing to bet that it had nothing to do with you. Some people just aren’t cut out to be parents.”

Michael was struggling. Anyone with eyes could see that. He was fidgety, jumpy and hardly ever slept. Joy was exchanging worried looks over his head with her husband and Dr. Thorton was wearing a worried frown when Michael talked. But even that had stalled out. He hadn’t talked about anything of significance in a while. “Michael.” Dr. Thorton sighed one day. “As much as I love hearing about your day, you can’t avoid the elephant in the room. You aren’t progressing. Something is wrong.”

“I’m in a therapists office. Something’s obviously not right.” Michael says looking at the ceiling.

“You know what I mean Michael. You haven’t given any piece of information about anything except for a brief summary of your day in two weeks. We were making good progress.” Dr. Thorton says. “When was your last panic attack?”  
Michael shrugged. Instead of answering he said, “I took the bus today.”

Dr. Thorton was still wearing his frown when he asked “And how did that go?”

Michael shrugged again. “Was okay. I probably won’t do it again. 

Dr. Thorton sighs again and writes something down. “You have to get out of your comfort zone more then just once. You won’t make as much progress if you don’t. It’s the same as talking to me. The more you talk the more progress you make.”

“I’m too messed up.” Michael mumbles looking down.

“Michael, why do you think that you are too messed up?” Dr. Thorton asks. 

Michael sits there in silence for a bit, finally he looks up, his emotionless facade cracking and his lip trembling. “Why do you want to know how much of a mess I am? It will just make you leave. Everyone leaves. I’m just a broken kid with parents who didn’t want to stick around. I can’t speak in class. I can’t go out. I can’t even look in the mirror without hating what I see and wondering why my parents didn’t want me. I play too much video games. I love food just a little too much and social interaction makes my skin crawl. I’m just the kid who stutters, can’t make friends and has no family.” Michael deflates after his outburst.

For the first time since Michael clammed up, Dr. Thortons soft smile is directed towards Michael. “Do you feel better?” Michael nods. “I want to know because I care. Legally I can’t leave you until you stop making appointments. Even if I could I wouldn’t. Why, because morally I can’t. When I look at you I see a boy who has been dealt a crap hand and is making the most of it. But I want to help you change your cards. From what you have told me I can gather that you have a family. Take a look around. Calum is your best friend and brother. Through him you have a man and a woman who think of you as one of their own children and a young lady who thinks of you as a younger brother. You don’t need blood to be to be family. And then there is Luke. You’ve said you two became friends on a day that Calum was out. So you can make friends, you just don’t need that many. What’s wrong with doing something you are good at? Some people are good at sports, you’re good at games. A love of food is healthy. Ypu recognize that food is good and you embrace it. As for the stutter, you’ve stuttered twice since we have met.”

Michaels session ends shortly after that. He walked out to the bus stop, but panicked as it arrived and called Joy instead. She said she would pick him up on her way home. She didn’t sound upset about it, but Michael apologised anyways. He had been sitting at a table in the makeshift food court waiting for Joys text. He was playing his music through his earbuds. A live body plops down across from him and Michael looks up. It’s the kid from the waiting room in Dr. Thortons office.

“I don’t really fancy sitting alone while I wait for my mum. I can move if you want.” He says, glasses missing and curls straightened.

Michael goes to say it’s whatever but stops remembering Dr. Thortons parting words about talking to one new person and says, “It’s fine. I’m Michael.”

They boy looks surprised for a moment then smiles and says, “I’m Ashton.”

Dr. Thorton is pleased to hear that Michael made an effort to have a conversation and congratulates him on introducing himself as well as allowing him to sit. Dr. Thorton wants him to continue what he started with Ashton.

Ashton has therapy after Michael on Tuesdays. And if he has another appointment during the week, it’s not on Thursdays because Michael doesn’t see him again. But next Tuesday Ashton sits with him again, and Michael says, “I’m supposed to work on my conversation skills, but I’m not very good at talking.”

Again Ashton looks surprised, but a smile lights up his face, so for the first time ever Michael doesn’t worry he said the wrong thing. “Great start then.” Ashton says. “Dr. Thorton has me working on the same thing, but I started weeks ago. You get better at it, I promise.”

Michael nods. “Umm, what do you do for fun?” Michael asks slowly.

“I like speding time with my younger brother and sister, as well as banging away on my drums.” Ashton says with a smile.

Michael smiles. “I play the guitar.” His face falls slightly as he second guesses himself. “Umm, yeah.”

Ashton leans forward, sporting a supportive smile. “No, that was good. You play guitar. Are you in a band?”

“Kinda.” Michael shrugs. “My friends want me to play with them. But I dunno.”

“Well bands are fun. I’ve been in a few. You should play with them.” Ashton says, his smile remaining. “What else do you do for fun?”

Michael shrugs. “I play video games. Sometimes I can get someone to join me.”

Ashton goes home shortly after that. Michael not long after him.

Thursday Dr. Thorton brings him to another room after briefly talking to him about Ashton and his progress. There are chairs in a circle and Michael stops in his tracks. “I’m not going to group therapy. Nu-uh, not happening.”

“Reax Michael. You’re not going to group therapy. I know you’re not ready. You’re going to learn how to knit. Knitting is a great form of therapy and I think something you will benefit greatly from since you don’t want to take medication.” He leads Michael over to a box. He pulls out a pair of needles and a ball of yarn. “It should help keep your hands busy, and distract your brain enough that you shouldn’t be down all the time. It will allow you to work through a lot.” He leads Michael back over to the circle, where they are joined by an elderly woman. “This is Edna. She runs the knitting group and teach the few patients that I bring in how to knit.”

Michael finishes up his session and proceeds to knit till Joy arrives. He hides the knitting away, not wanting to admit that he needed an old ladys hobby to help him. Also he liked how he could feel a little more free while he worked. Dr. Thorton was right, it was going to help.

++++

Michael was dreading going to therapy. Joy was going in with him to talk about his most recent suicide attempt. Dr. Thortons smile disappeared when the pair walked in. Michael was curled in on himself and Joy had a protective arm around him. “what happened?” He asks as soon as they take a seat.

“Michael… he…” Joy starts but has to stop.

“I went home. Like to my parents house. My mum was prescribed sleeping pills, but she never took them.” Michael mumbles. “I was gunna take them.”

Dr. Thorton looked shocked. “Was? You didn’t take them?” Michael shook his head. “What stopped you?”

Michael looks off to the side. “Calum. It’s always Calum. He’s always called or showed up. One time it was both. He says while reaching out for JOys hand. Dr. Thorton takes note of the movement. “He reminds me that he is thinking of me. That people care about me.”

“I’ve been telling you that for weeks Michael.” Dr. Thorton says. “Why did you want to die?”

MIchael shrugs looking down. “I feel like a burden you know. Even though we’ve been working on it. Like I feel like I’m putting everyone out by being alive. And if I wasn’t here anymore their lives would be better. And the fact that this was just another failed attempt, is just putting them out more. Joy left work early to be here.”

“Mikey. I’ve known that I might have to step in for your mother since you were 5 or 6 and your parents were late picking you up. I’ve never had a problem with it and never thought twice about it. For a long time, even before you were living with us, when I thought about my family you were included in that thought.” She runs a hand through his hair. “You always ask me how you can repay me. Well you are already doing that. Seeing you smile and laugh again. You being at a healthy weight. It’s the best thing to watch. You’ve always bottled things up, and I get why. Especially now that we know more of it. But, I love you. Will loves you. Calum and Mali loves you. Nothing you ever do will change that. If we have to tell you everyday, then we will.” Joy says pulling him into a hug.

Michael started to cry, broken sobs coming out. He hadn’t been told that someone loved him from a parental figure since his brother died. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Michael chokes out.

“I know. But it’s alright. Everything will be alright.” Joy says rubbing his back. “I love you.”

“I haven’t… Not since Jamie… I love you too.” Michael says calming down.

“Do you see it now?” Dr. Thorton asks. “People care about you. You got this idea into your head. That you are nothing but a burden to people around you. But that couldn’t be any less true. You have a family that loves you. That wants you to thrive and succeed. Do you see it?”

“I don’t.” Michael admits. Hopeful looks fall off Joys and Dr. Thortons faces. “At least, not fully. But I’m getting there. I think.”

Dr. Thorton smiles. Joy rubs his shoulder. “You just made a great stride Michael. It took you taking a tumble, but don’t get discouraged. You’re getting there. I’d say you are better now than you were before your attempt.”

The appointment ends shortly afterwards. The next week Dr. Thorton makes Michael talk about all three of his attempts. Leaving him quite shaken up afterwards as he sits in the cafeteria. “Tough session?” Ashton asks sitting down.

“Tough few sessions.” Michael mumbles.

“The tough ones are the ones that help the most.” Ashton says. He writes something down. “If you ever need to talk and don’t want to Thorton. I don’t sleep a whole lot. Something tells me that you don’t either.”

++++

“We need a drummer.” Calum says while hanging upside down off the couch. “Do you know a drummer Luke?”

“No.” Luke answers

“I know a drummer.” Michael mumbles.

“We could hold open auditions.” Calum mumbles.

“I know a drummer.” Michael says again, louder.

“Yeah but when? And could we actually find someone talented.” Luke muses.

“Hey Ashton, Michael.” Michael says into the phone while the boys bicker. “You know the band thing we talked about?... Wanna be a drummer for it?”

“There’s Joey from Maths?” Calum asks.

“Or my friend Ashton.” Michael says finally gathering the boys attention. “He’s a drummer.”

“Have him come to the next band practise.” Calum says smiling at him. “Good job Mikey.”

++++

“So you’ve started a band?” Dr. Thorton asks.

Michael nods. “With Cal, Luke and Ashton.”

“And you’ve played gigs?” Dr. Thorton asks.

Michael nods again. “A few, we’ve also made some covers and put them online.” 

“And how does being in a band make you feel?” 

“Awesome. Like I’m actually being productive and helpful.” Michael says.

Dr. Thorton smiles. “Good.”

++++

“Last appointment.” Dr. Thorton says. “Next week you’ll be in London.”

Michael nods. “Yeah.”

“You’re doing much better.” Dr. Thorton says. “Much better.”

Michael smiles slightly before letting it fall. “Then why do I feel like I’ going to let everyone down?”

“Because you care about them just as much as they care about you. And you don’t want to let them down. But you won’t Michael. Their love is unconditional.”


End file.
